A True Love Story for Valentine's Day

When I first met my husband Dave, we were both students at Brigham Young University. Because we were in many of the same social and church settings, I had interaction with Dave several times a week for almost two years.  We attended numerous activities together and often did things with small groups of friends.  Dave would often visit me on campus where I worked at a copy center. He even attended a Sunday school class I taught every week for a year and a half.  During that time, we dated occasionally, but never as a serious couple.  But we still spent a lot of time together and were friends.

After those two years, I moved to Arizona for 18 months and except for a postcard or two, we really didn’t stay in touch. Then I moved back to Utah. Dave had since graduated from college, but fortunately was still in Utah. Mutual friends put us back in touch. At that point, Dave and I started dating, this time a whole lot more regularly. After a number of months, our relationship began to turn more serious and we were both wondering if we would be spending forever together.

One evening, Dave asked if we could talk about some of the bigger issues that were important to us. We knew a lot about each other from having spent so much time together, but it was good to really talk about our values and make sure we wanted the same things out of life. I remember that fantastic discussion well.

It was during that discussion that Dave asked me if I’d mind telling him about my nails and feet. To say I was surprised is putting mildly. After all this time, how could he not know about my skin condition?

I only say all this – not because you want to read about my courtship with Dave – but so you’ll know if I had any doubt that Dave liked me – even loved me – regardless of my PC, I had no doubt at that point.

During that discussion, Dave told me he figured I’d tell him when I was ready. I told him I thought he knew three years before then! It just goes to show that Dave was not interested in me as a PCer – he was interested in me as a person. He knew I walked sometimes with crutches. He didn’t know why, and he wanted to know why, but it wasn’t going to determine whether or not he had a relationship with me.

Since being a part of PC Project, I’ve often heard PCers discuss when to tell someone you are dating or beginning to care for about your PC. It can be hard for us PCers who spend our lives hiding nails and calluses and being misunderstood by people. It’s just like people without PC don’t tell all their problems to someone on the first date. You need them to like you a bit more before you tell them everything. They’ve got to want the package, before they’ll take the packaged deal. Believe me, I understand this issue. What’s more, during my more insecure times of life (teen age years!) I’ve been in my share of trouble because I’ve told potential dates that ended up being real dates some nice little lies about why I had difficulty walking.

It’s is also true that there are those who may not be interested in you – ok, NEVER interested in you - in a romantic way because of your PC. On the other hand, I’ve had guys interested in me that I’ve thought were feeling sorry for me more than feeling interested in me as a person. The last thing I needed in a relationship was someone who wanted to treat me like a charity case. Good grief!

I think what I’m trying to say in this corner is not just that I have a wonderful husband (which I do), but that the people who end up being forever companions or friends with a person with PC are typically exceptional people. I’ve found that to be true laterally as I’ve met people with PC all over the world and more importantly, the people who love them. The spouses, family members and friends of PCers are caring and compassionate. They unconditionally love the person with PC. They don’t ignore the fact that they have PC. In fact, they are selfless, supportive and adaptable. But they certainly haven’t let PC be the deciding factor in their relationship.

I don’t think a person has to be like Dave and wait a long time to ask a person with PC about their skin condition. Dave obviously dated me knowing I had a permanent problem. Nor do I think a person with PC has to wait a long, long time to talk about it. This is only my opinion, but I think if a person with PC is overly worried about being accepted by someone they care about, then perhaps that person isn’t for them.

PC is a part of who we are. Until that cure comes, we can’t escape the fact that we walk with pain. Our feet aren’t too pretty and sometimes our nails aren’t either.  There’s nothing wrong with a person dating someone with PC to seriously ask to know facts about PC and to even ask him or herself if this is something he or she could live with in a future spouse. That’s fair and it’s certainly appropriate.

But bottom line, the people who end up in our lives are typically selfless, kind and good. Dave didn’t do it on purpose, but the way it all turned it out left me assured that Dave courted me for me. Just me. That’s what I want for everyone with PC – to have relationships with friends, partners, and spouses who truly love them – just for them. I want them all to have a true love story!